New goal

I used to love running. I used to relish the feel of my muscles after pushing myself to my limit. That was until I got my bike. I love that thing. Not because it was an unknowing $500 find on Craigslist for $40, but simply because it burns more calories, you go farther, and you can go faster. Since my bike, running well, stinks. I find no pleasure whatsoever in it, with or without my ipod. As much as I like my bike I don't like the simple fact my arms do nothing. I'm stuck with really toned legs with a very flabby upper body. Sure if I focus on keeping my stomach contracted, elbows in,  I feel a very slight ache afterwords but honestly, it's nothing.


Fortunately, the people here around my age seem to be complete fitness nuts- at least in the office where I work. Every day they do the half hour powerwalk to the canyon and back, lately have been kayaking once a week and at the end of this month, they're all doing this.

Yes please! So this gives me a whopping 4 weeks to go from no running to a 10K complete with mud, obstacles and alot of crazy fun.

I have been commuting via bike every day which sounds impressive but it's only a mile if that. I haven't had fast food for almost two weeks and have been drinking loads of water.  So I'm pretty sure I can do it, if I start now. I have to do it. It looks insanely fun. How's that for motivation?

Do I REALLY have to get up?

Since my ride last week, I've been trying desperately to make a habit of waking up early in an effort to recreate my meditative ride. Unfortunately the night owl within continues to have a stronghold. However, yesterday was fairly productive and continued to bring me out of my funk.  I was able to get everyone on medicaid and during my lengthy wait at the office, I got a call from the local (only) hospital wanting an interview which put me in an I'm-going-to-wake-up-early-tomorrow-and-get-my-butt-moving mood. No excuses. 0630 rolled around... snooze. 0700... snooze.  0800... snooze. Until 0900 I woke up and realized putting my clothes at the bottom of the stairs last night was pointless. Now what? It's going to be 92 today and already it was 70.

So instead of starting the beast to drive 2 miles to the pharmacy, guess what I did? I rode. Woo hoo! Incorporated exercise into my day. And I have to say although I felt somewhat ridiculous waiting in line, already sweating like crazy, I feel pretty darn good. I just need to find better pit stick.

My dark pit of despair... and slowly bringing myself out of it

I do have a really good reason, well a few actually, as to why I haven't updated recently. The first was I thought "How cool would it be if the picture for my next post would be me running the dash in my fairy garb?" Well turns out a lovely 5X7 was only $15.00. Yeah. I don't think so.

It wasn't until Memorial Day when I received a check out coupon for $5 off that I ordered said picture, which was sent to my parents home in whose basement my family and I now reside. I saw it the first day we moved in but guess what, it's MIA. So somewhere is a kick ass picture of me in Seattle mid run in fairy garb.

Which brings me to now. The present. I'm 32-years-old, have to petition the financial aid gods to finish three semesters for my RN, currently unemployed, and live in my parents basement. I've applied for countless jobs ranging from hospice (which I would love) to Michaels (which I wouldn't). Granted it's only been two weeks on Tuesday but still. So my friends, yesterday I hit my low. A month ago my brick walls came a crumbling down and I have yet to re build them. I wish I could say I said some massive prayer and I was brought out of the dark pit I had put myself in. But I didn't.

I realized last night that I really need to be doing something. My dad, who is 78, has been getting up for the past few days to bike around town, his goal being to ride to the Shoshone falls 5+ miles away. So what's my excuse? Yeah I've been tooling around with my kids, even taught my boy to ride without training wheels but was I really pushing myself? Where is my stress-relief? Last time I was unemployed, I became obsessed with painting and finished a good one. But have you ever tried to paint in 90+ degree heat with acrylics? Yeah.

So my friends, this morning I got my arse out of bed nice and early before kids were awake, strapped on my helmet, and rode off.  I can't tell you the exact mileage in which I rode, but I did the whole go in one direction for a certain amount of time (which would be here-2 miles from the falls) then turn around.

On the way back, I also found the house we'll be moving in next week (complete with acreage)...

Instead of heading back the way I came-where's the fun in that? I decided to go towards the canyon and passed the temple on the way. It still boggles my mind this town is so small and we have our own temple. (I wont bother telling you how many BYU and BYU-I bumper stickers I see on a daily basis.)  But it was a beautiful sight on my ride.

Newer addition to the canyon I fully intend to yarn bomb soon. Perhaps matching bikini tops?

Tempting... but not this time.

So in an hour of meditative pedaling, I've come to realize a few things to avoid the nasty  dark pit of despair I was in yesterday.

1. Do something active for myself every morning. Not just mindless pedaling around with the kids but pushing myself by myself.

2. Focus on my family. Do something really active with them every day. This should be easy as it's pretty much what we've been doing but my heart hasn't been in it. But now, it's a three day weekend. Time out from massive job hunting till Tuesday. I've been pushing them away quite a bit as my number one goal has been finding a job.

3. Do something creative. There's a story that's again calling to me and I'm not going to let the fact it takes 10 minutes for my laptop to start up be my excuse for putting it on the back burner anymore. 

Ultimately, I feel much better now than I did yesterday. I'm going to walk away from that nasty pit and just move forward for now.